The first part revolved around phrases uttered by women on a regular basis, phrases everyone is likely familiar with. From here on out, however, things get a little more personal.
The following statements have all been thrown at me at some point, and by "some point" I mean just before my P entered a V.
Continue reading "What She Means... Part 2: Famous Last Words" »
Looking for Friday Night?
Our first stop is the same shisha lounge from the night before. We grab a table outside and order some drinks... AND more shisha, except this time I'm NOT going to smoke enough to make me pass out in the bathroom.
There's a large group of Asians (you know, cause we're in China) at the table next to us and they seem fun so I invite them to combine our tables and make a party.
Turns out it's the birthday of one of the girls... and the birthday girl happens to take a liking to Blake.
We're in.
Once the tables are combined one of the really cute Asian girls from the birthday group sits down next to me.
Continue reading "Rick Tastic Goes To China... For The Weekend - Saturday Night" »
Blake has some shit to take care of during the day so I tag along, taking in all the sights (and some unpleasant smells) and eating a ton of awesome food for very cheap.
On our way back to the hotel at the end of the day we stop at a grocery store to get some liquor and mixers. Once back, we chill out for a while until our friends Hugh and his girlfriend, Ash, show up.
Hugh is originally from Guangzhou, a couple hours outside of Hong Kong, and he and Ash are visiting his parents for the month.
Let the drinking commence!
Continue reading "Rick Tastic Goes To China... For The Weekend - Friday Night" »
First, I'd like to thank the women in my life that have tried, at one point or another, to upgrade themselves from booty calls to something more.
Your efforts did not go unnoticed, just ignored.
Second, I'd like to clarify these rules do not apply to friends with benefits. To me, a FWB situation implies I actually enjoy spending time with you, hence the "friends" part of the title.
And finally, I'd like to specifically thank the last girl who tried to stretch a one night stand into, well, something longer and far more awkward because if it wasn't for your ridiculously aggressive pursuit I may never have been inspired to write this... nor would I have experienced pity sex for the first time or, as I like to call it, my personal low of 2011.
The following series of events was relayed to me in an email from my buddy Jeff. This is his story...
Two weekends ago, I found myself in a position where I literally said to myself, "What would Rick Tastic do?"
If any one of you tries to trademark that before me I'll rape your entire family. -Rick
It was a long Friday night shift, and a girl I had gone out on a date with a few days before comes into the bar. That date was nothing special. She was roughly a half hour late, forgot her ID, and we had a language or, more specifically, an accent barrier... so, the usual. I described the date to a mutual friend as "bland".
But I digress, that actually has nothing to do with the story.
After I make it perfectly clear we would not be going on another date, EVER, she takes off with her friend. As she walks out, a drunk trio walks in. Now, everybody thinks that bartenders get pussy all the time. I wish this were the case, but sometimes even being paid to get girls drunk doesn't always work out. Although, it does beat the hell out of buying girls drinks for no apparent reason other than trying to get my whistle wet.
Tonight though... tonight is about to get weird.
Continue reading "A White Chick, Black Chick, And A Gay Mexican Walk Into A Bar..." »
I've learned my lesson, God, I promise.
No more engineers.
Ever again.
EVER.
...unless she's really hot.
I hooked up with Lauren a few weeks ago. The first time actually took work, and at one point I thought I might not put my P in her V, but then I called her at 2am on a Saturday and told her I was coming over, at which point she gave me her address... and we "did it" (tehehe).
Faggot.
Shut up, dick.
ANYWAY... I pretty much immediately regretted my decision in the morning.
Continue reading "Say Goodbye to My First Stage 5 Clinger" »
Friday
We get to Hollywood, unload, and change.
9:47pm
We walk to our usual Friday night pregaming spot: Loaded. It's a small rocker bar, but there's always a decent crowd and there are constantly people coming and going so it's a good place to warm up (read: get warm-up drunk and make an idiot out of yourself with very few repercussions).
I order a couple shots and a beer as we wait for the rest of the group to show up.
As I'm looking around my sexy 6'2" lighthouse of a manself draws two girls over who start talking to me. Sadie is a hot, little red head (starting to become my Kryptonite) and Lauren is kind of a dorky brunette.
Driving from Chicago to Toronto consisted of me listening to Lady Gaga and Andy sleeping.
We meet up with our buddy Gabriello and start drinking (I know, it's getting old, but we still have 2 more weeks of it).
Gabriello takes us to place called the Madison Pub which looks like a house party when we walk up to it.
7:44pm - Some mall just outside Chicago
We get to the Apple store to see about replacing my iPhone after Andy let it go for a swim a few days prior. Unfortunately we're pretty late and the store isn't exactly empty when we get there. I walk back to the Genius Bar and an older guy comes over.
"What can I help you with?"
I hand him my busted phone, "I had an appointment for 7pm. I know I'm late, but is there anything you can do?"
"Actually we don't have any more appointments available tonight, how about tomorrow?"
"We'll be in Canada tomorrow...
Welcome to Omaha. Although the picture is a little old (1868) it looks about the same...
...just kidding
We leave Boulder early in the morning and BAM! We arrive in Omaha and stop at a Border's bookstore so I can get some writing done and Andy can, well, take a nap while pretending to read The Walking Dead graphic novel.
After Andy has sufficiently rested we head downtown to meet up with our buddy Jake at his bar The Hive which is opening in a few weeks.
We hang out for a bit before heading over to a movie theater to chill at a bar in the lobby until the midnight premier of Hangover 2.
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